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In this day and age dating, family relationships, friendships, even business relationships all have some social media tie to them.  Being in a committed relationship isn't that much different than being part of a social network: You have to agree to terms and conditions, you have to "like" stuff you otherwise wouldn't, and sometimes you and your partner may have to deal with people from your past trying to “poke” you.   Well, here are 7 rules for Facebook when you are “taken”.  While these rules may not prevent your high school sweetheart from creepily wall-posting you, they might help you to better handle such correspondence, and other awkward social networking situations with grace.

Rule #1: Be a friend, not just a lover

This one's a no-brainer - Make sure you add your spouse as a friend. This doesn't mean you have to say I love you or goodnight to each other via wall posts or “Like” every picture they are in…  Just let the world know that you think highly enough of the person you've chosen to spend the rest of your life with to allow him or her access to your info page. Of course, not every couple will feel the need to communicate with each other on Facebook.

Rule #2: Don’t share a Facebook Page – it’s just weird

Yes, there are couples that share FB pages but there are also couples who share toothbrushes.  After all we are all individuals even though we are couples…we all have our own history & our own story.  Of course there are exceptions. For example, if one person doesn’t really care about FB and the other wants to include them or if one doesn’t use it much or know How to use, but generally speaking it’s best to keep them separate.

Rule #3: Remember that public displays of affection are even more annoying online

That’s awesome that you are in love and in an amazing relationship but be considerate of others when expressing it via Facebook. Your uncoupled friends or miserably married friends probably don’t want to hear you profess your undying love for one another just because he heated you up a bagel for breakfast.  Just ask yourself before you update your page… “Is this Post Worthy”?

Rule #4: Don’t Ever Poke anyone, Ever

The Facebook Poke is like going up to someone at a bar and asking them if they have a mirror in their pocket?  It is definitely a feature of Facebook that was created for Flirting, period…so that means it is Off limits to you if you are in a committed relationship.

Rule #5: Make sure your relationship status reads, "In a relationship"

This probably seems obvious to most people but if you are new to Facebook or if you are just a shady person then your relationship status might not reflect that you are committed to someone…which means you are opening virtual doors for invitations from others…never a good idea.

Rule #6: Never wear a bikini in your profile picture – no matter how jealous you want to make your frienemies

Sure, you look amazing and Jenny Craig worked for you…you might look even better than you did in high school, But you do not need to inform everyone of this by your profile picture if you are in a committed relationship.  Keep in mind that if you are posting provocative pictures on FB then you might be inviting 3rd parties into your relationship.

Rule #7: Don’t Overreact or read too much into someone simply being friendly

Don’t come home yelling at your partner because someone is being friendly on Facebook…it might just be a friendly message or friendly “like”…it doesn’t always mean that you need to freak out on him or her…  they might just want you to join the mafia wars.  Wait to find out the facts before you assume someone else’s intentions.

Now Get To “Pokin!”

~Whitney

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the_answers_by_dr_pat_allenThis is Not Oprah's Book Club, But A Must Read

This is a must read women!!! Before you start thinking, venting, whining, wondering endlessly about why, why why!?! Read this book.

It is the cliff notes version of the best advice I can give or you can read (cover to cover on one flight or an elliptical machine session!).  Dr. Pat Allen is a therapist who has seen it all and gives the kind of cut and dry intelligent advice every woman needs to hear, read and re-read.

Particularly, accept or reject behavior.  When you tolerate, relationships become toxic and that poison, those high levels of stress which lead to cortisol levels that can become toxic are what eat women from the inside.  The physical manifestation of your emotional angst.  So GET HEALTHY!  This book is a quick, daily work out for your mind.  Then you can get to your body, you career, your family, and so forth.  But the essentials here are your tools and its all about balance.  This book is like core strength and breathing for Your Mind.

Download on ibooks and you can high light in different colors (my favorite feature).  I high light the things for me to remember in one color and the things for me to observe from the man I want a relationship with in another color.  We cannot be both the male and female energy in a relationship.  To be both is narcissistic and I realized what I was doing in relationships was keeping me single.  Which was great when I wanted to stay single, but when I realized I wanted a long term committed relationship I realized I couldn't want him to be the guy, and then jerk the steering wheel away at will without negotiating a shift.  And negotiating can be as simple as asking.  But taking over and steam rolling is going to shut down your masculine man.

Just read it!  ;)

And let's get this straight.  The most lovely and powerful women have the biggest issues with men.  We are powerful in the office but we want to be feminine as well.  I have friends in their 60s who are still mooning over their men who will not commit.

To paraphrase a Jewel song…”We were made to love!”

~ R.B. LeBlanc

Resources: 

The Answers, by Dr. Pat Allen http://www.drpatallen.com/index.shtml

lovloveloveLove Yourself First

Love, Love, Love the most googled word in 2010…obviously it remains mysterious, but the one thing that remains true about love is that it can be healthy & good, and we control how we love another!  Love by definition is an emotion of strong affection and personal attachment. Love represents all of human kindness, compassion, and affection.  Love may also be described as actions toward other people (or yourself) based on compassion or affection.

As women these days, we tend to find ourselves looking for love in all the wrong places. Yep! <insert theme song from Urban Cowboy here> We are looking to men, clothes, money, and other material things to feel that love that we are missing within ourselves.  Love is a battlefield, but loving yourself shouldn’t be!  Let’s master loving ourselves before we try to give it to the first lame guy we cross paths with.
Loving yourself is simply having self-respect, which is the only dependable way to create love in your own life to share with others.  Focus on 3 things to love yourself more than you do today.

  1. Have self respect. 
  2. Forgive yourself and let go of the past
  3. Have positive self talk.  Which means having positive thoughts about you.  We are our own worst enemy when it comes to this.

Your self image comes across to people when you meet them and get to know them.  If you don’t love yourself then why will anyone else?!?!


Till next time!
~Whitney

Its_not_you_its_me-xoxo_pic9 Break Up Must Haves

Here is a great short read to help keep you focused and on track in a positive direction when going through those oh so fun, break up aftermaths. ...

1. Dating Detox - The best thing you can do is to take a dating break. It can be anywhere from 30 to 90 days, depending on how long you were with the guy. I did meditation, and my teacher did hypnosis to clear the energy from past relationships and any residue I was harboring.

2. Endorphin High - The endorphins kick in when you work out. Once I started exercising, I started feeling skinnier—and skinnier means sexier. It's not about losing weight; it's about feeling good.

3. Mother Knows Best - After Stanger's recent breakup, her mother gave her one piece of advice that she swears by: "Whether you're 18 or 80, there's always another man around the corner."

4. A Big Don't - The first thing you shouldn't do post-breakup is to call you ex-boyfriend and ask, 'Why did you break up with me?' Because obviously he didn't want you, and that's just going to make you feel bad. Even if he said, 'You don't listen,' or whatever the excuse, it's never going to make you feel good. Never ever. So don't ask.

5. The Good Book – "Getting to I Do" is like the bible. I don't think that you can get a better book that talks about the alchemy of love between men and women. Why do men think the way they do, and why are women getting it wrong? The Book: Getting to I Do by Dr. Patricia Allen

6. Help Yourself - If you want a self-help book, then get Abraham Hicks's book Ask and It Is Given. It's the only self-help book that you will ever need.

7. Comfort Food - I live on the Miracle Noodle. They have lots of fiber, and there are no carbs in it. I add a little truffle oil, a little cottage cheese and a little salt, and I'm good to go. It's kind of my mac 'n' cheese, without being fattening. I'm also a chocaholic. You have to splurge.

8. Dress For Success - Buy a Little Black Dress mini, with three-quarter-length sleeves, a V-neck. It'll go a long way. The wrap dress is a staple for generations to come. Also, you can never go wrong with a great high-heeled shoe. Jimmy Choo's actually feel comfortable but also look sexy, because they've got little squishies in them so you can walk and stand forever.

9. Skin Indulgence – Take care of your skin to keep a glowing look...whether that's going to get a fabulous facial or getting a nice little tool like the Clarisonic face brush. The Clarisonic has actually saved me tons of money on facials!

Love Yourself First!

~Whitney

Resources: 9 Break Up Must Haves from Match Maker, Patti Stanger

7 Rules For Facebook When You are "…

7 Rules For Facebook When You are &quot;Taken&quot;

In this day and age dating, family relationships, friendships, even business relationships all have some social media tie to them.  Being in a committed relationship isn't that much different than...

19-04-2012 Hits:2338 XoXo Catherine Stiles - avatar Catherine Stiles

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This is Not Oprah's Book Club, but a Mus…

This is Not Oprah's Book Club, but a Must Read Club for Relationships

This is Not Oprah's Book Club, But A Must Read This is a must read women!!! Before you start thinking, venting, whining, wondering endlessly about why, why why!?! Read this book. It...

30-01-2012 Hits:1258 XoXo Whitney - avatar Whitney

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9 Break Up Must Haves

9 Break Up Must Haves

9 Break Up Must Haves Here is a great short read to help keep you focused and on track in a positive direction when going through those oh so fun, break...

30-01-2012 Hits:1524 XoXo Whitney - avatar Whitney

Read more

LOVE YOURSELF FIRST

LOVE YOURSELF FIRST

Love Yourself First Love, Love, Love the most googled word in 2010…obviously it remains mysterious, but the one thing that remains true about love is that it can be healthy &...

07-06-2011 Hits:1484 XoXo Gary Dorsey - avatar Gary Dorsey

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